It’s A Plunderful Life Read online

  No, my life wasn’t currently going according to plan. But I had my family, and I’d reconnected with Vivian and rediscovered a treasure from my childhood.

  I walked back to my car feeling lighter than I had in a long time. Everything was going to be okay.

  8

  “You may be the laziest creature I have ere set eyes on,” someone close to my bed grumbled.

  Maybe it was because that felt like was something Toni would say. Maybe it was just because I was still mostly asleep.

  Regardless, it took a moment for me to process that someone was talking to me. Someone I didn’t know.

  I opened my eyes, taking in the figure standing beside my bed.

  I stared at him for a moment, and then I jolted fully awake. With a shriek, I jumped backward, coming up hard against the wall and dragging the covers with me. “Who are you?” My heart pounded in my chest. Surely this wasn’t the roofer? “Mom?” I called.

  “I have been asking who you are for some time now, madame, with no satisfaction. I would think it only polite for you to answer me before demanding to know my identity.”

  This creeper was weird. His clothes were unlike anything I’d ever seen on a man outside of a Disney movie. He wore simple brown pants with a strange cut and a blousy white shirt, his dark hair caught back in a low ponytail. He had a very lean face, his skin a deep tan, his eyes unusually dark.

  “Mom?” I called again. “Toni?” It struck me that this might be Toni’s way of paying me back for moving in with her, and I relaxed a bit against the wall. Yes, he had a bit of a fairy tale quality to him. Maybe he worked in the park, and Toni had gotten him to come up here and scare the crap out of me.

  It was a dumb prank—not really funny at all—but then Toni was more malice than humor when it came to me.

  “Okay, pal, joke’s over. Get out.” I released my vice-like grip on the coverlet, letting it fall to my lap, and pointed at the door.

  His eyes widened as they slid over my torso. “Goodness, madame! Have you no shame at exposing your…form that way in front of a good and honest man?”

  Oh, so we were going to play it that way? If this guy thought modesty was what was keeping me in bed, he had another thing coming. I’d given birth. Two different medical students had helped hold my legs when Brad got light-headed.

  And that was to say nothing about what my pregnancy with Margot had done to my stomach. Some women snap back to their pre-pregnancy bodies, but although I’d gotten close to my old weight, my entire body seemed to have been reconfigured. And, look, you can spend twenty years worrying about what you look like in a bathing suit, or you can buy the cute bikini that’s on sale at Target and rock it, no matter what anyone else thinks.

  All of that is to say that I had very little modesty left.

  Throwing off the blankets, I swung my legs over the side of the bed. I was wearing only underwear and a T-shirt, which came down to maybe mid-thigh if I didn’t do any stretching. Which I was considering doing if this guy didn’t get the heck out. “You’re in my room. I’ll expose my form if I want to.”

  The dude took one look at my legs and promptly flung his arms up to cover his eyes. Not just his hands—his arms. As if I’d pepper-sprayed him.

  Okay. My legs aren’t exactly my best feature. They never have been. They’re admittedly a bit on the scrawny side, maybe a little knock-kneed. And sure, I have some cellulite on the back of my thighs because I’m human and that’s how these things go. So I’m not saying I have model legs by any means.

  But there was nothing about them that should make a man act like I’m burning his eyes. Especially not when he had come into my room uninvited.

  “Please, woman, I beg of you. Cover your nakedness lest you endanger both our salvations.” He was a bit muffled behind his arms, but he sounded on the verge of weeping.

  I’m not going to lie. My very first impulse was to uncover even more of my “nakedness.” If my legs were causing him this much agony, my boobs would really send him for a loop.

  But just then Toni waltzed in, her eyes darting from the cringing man standing in the middle of the room to me, deliberating about how much nakedness I wanted to uncover. She stopped short just inside the doorway. “Why is there a ghost in here?”

  Given that I was pretty sure she was responsible for this guy, that was not what I expected her to say. Gloat, sure. Mock me for…well, I didn’t quite get the joke, but whatever it was she found funny about the situation. But this…

  “What are you talking about?” I snapped. “Didn’t you…”

  She shook her head. “Cass, I realize it may have been a while since you saw a real live man, but can’t you tell the difference between a guy and a ghost?”

  Well. Now that she mentioned it, this dude did seem to…flicker. He wasn’t completely transparent, but I realized that I could make out the rough outline of objects behind him.

  Oh, and his feet weren’t quite on the floor.

  Now I felt dumb. Whirling on the guy, I said, “You’re a ghost?”

  That got his attention. Dropping his arms, he glowered first at me and then at Toni. “Quit your foolish prattle, women. I am obviously no such thing, and you’d best bite your tongues if you do not wish to be discovered discussing such evil and wicked ideas as ghosts.”

  Toni nodded. “Cool.” Then she cocked her head at me. “Why’d you summon a ghost?”

  “I did not summon him.” I was beginning to feel uncomfortable having this conversation half dressed, so I reached for a pair of yoga pants and started to pull them on, which just made good old Casper freak out again.

  “Madame!” he moaned, his eyes slamming shut. “Have a care of your limbs.”

  “I’m covering my limbs, thank you very much.” Getting my pants on, I put my hands on my hips. “There. All better.”

  But apparently, yoga pants were not adequate covering, as he took one look at me and turned his back, muttering about wicked women and their evil ways. “Lord, I beg you deliver me from this temptress,” he whispered.

  “If you think I’m trying to tempt you, buddy, you’re out of your mind.” I turned to Toni. “Why is this guy here?”

  “Don’t ask me. I don’t have the ability to summon a ghost.” Her mouth curved in an evil grin. “Maybe you did it subconsciously because you’re lonely and want a man?”

  “I did not—” Then I took a deep breath. Arguing with my sister wasn’t going to get me anywhere, especially when it was clear she just wanted to bait me. I moved past her to the doorway. “Mom?” I called. “I need you.” I looked back at my ghostly visitor, who was now pacing, his eyes studiously fixed on anything but me. “Right now.”

  “Be right there, baby girl.”

  My mom started up the stairs at a leisurely pace, but Toni got her moving. “Cass summoned a ghost,” she called.

  “I did not!”

  “What?” My mom could move quickly when she wanted, and in a minute she was standing in front of me, staring over my shoulder at my new friend. “Cass,” she murmured. “What have you done?”

  “I didn’t do anything!” I was beginning to feel very grumpy about this whole situation. “I just woke up and this guy was there, yelling at me.”

  My mom entered our room slowly, her hands held up at waist level as if she were approaching a badly trained tiger. “Hello, spirit,” she said, her voice carefully polite. “May I ask what has brought you to our home?”

  At her cultured tone, the ghost turned and looked my mother up and down. His lip curled back in a sneer. “This is barely better than naked. Painted women and women in trousers.” He looked up at the ceiling. “Lord, why have you delivered me to this den of iniquity?”

  Toni tried to cover a chuckle with a cough. When my mom glared at her, she held her hands up helplessly. “I’m sorry. Painted women?” When my mom said nothing, Toni kept going. “I mean, you do wear a lot of mascara.”

  “I wear exactly the right amount of mascara, thank you very much.”


  “Eh.” I couldn’t help myself. My sister and I might not get along, but she wasn’t wrong on this. “It might be a little too much.”

  Both my mother and the ghost took very deep breaths as if searching for more patience. “Spirit, you are in our home,” my mother said finally. “We are here to help you, but you will speak to us with respect.”

  Whether out of manners or in response to the tone of my mother’s voice or simply because he was done with his tantrum, the ghost bowed his head. “I understand.”

  My mother turned to me, her gaze assessing. “You didn’t summon him?”

  I threw my hands up. “How would I even do that?”

  Toni piped up. “I think she did this subcon—”

  “That’s enough out of you,” I said. “Mom, can you make him go away?”

  The ghost was now shuffling back and forth by the window, taking quick glances at the castle in the distance and muttering to himself. He was clearly distressed and I almost felt sorry for him.

  My mother watched him for a moment, then rubbed her chin with one hand. “I’m not sure what we should do with him. But for now, I think our best bet is to find out who he is and what might have brought him here.” With that decided, she clapped her hands together, startling me, Toni, and the ghost. “Cass, you can finish getting ready. Toni, you and I will take the spirit to your dad’s study. Spirit, I ask that you follow me. We have some questions, and I think we would all be more comfortable in a different room.”

  He nodded, trying hard not to look in my direction. “I thank you, madame.” And then he floated out of the room, following my mother and Toni as they made their way down the hall.

  Well. This was quite a way to wake up.

  I’d almost rather clean toilets.

  Almost.

  9

  I found everyone gathered in Kurt’s study. Kurt was seated at his desk, leafing through an ancient-looking textbook. My mother glanced up as I walked in, a glint of…well, not quite suspicion, but something close…in her eyes. “There you are, Cass. We just learned that our new spirit friend is Captain Ichabod Frowd.”

  I blinked. “That’s quite a name.” Honestly, it suited him.

  “Sexy, isn’t it?” Toni said as she studied the spines on one of the shelves, an already impressive stack of books in her arms.

  I frowned. “Don’t I know that name?”

  “I would hope so,” my mother said. “Captain Frowd is the hero of Gallows Bay.”

  Yes, that was it. It was Captain Frowd who’d chased down Christopher Durus in the Wild Rose. We’d read all about the man in grade school. I’d even seen a painting of him.

  Far be it from me to criticize eighteenth-century artists, but honestly this dude looked nothing like his portrait.

  “Ah.” I settled one hip on the corner of Kurt’s desk. “So what’s he doing here?”

  My mother opened her mouth to speak, then closed it and shook her head. “Honestly? I’m not sure. But I don’t like this, Cass. I don’t like this at all.”

  Like I was having a ball being woken up and harangued by strange ghostly men. “Why are you looking at me like that? I have no idea how he got here.”

  Captain Frowd looked up. “I was brought here,” he said firmly. “I do not understand it myself, but one minute I was…” He drifted off, pain flickering across his face. Then he moved to the window, turning his back on us.

  I glanced at my mother, and she shrugged. “He’s not yet ready to talk about it,” she said. “We’ll have to give him time. You can understand this is all a bit of a shock for him. He’s found himself in a strange new world, in a strange new time, for unknown reasons, and it’s going to take him some time to adjust.”

  I tried to imagine what his life had been like. He had never seen a cell phone, never ridden in a car, never eaten cold pizza from the fridge.

  Okay, that did it. Now I definitely felt sorry for him.

  “Does he know that we’re no longer a British colony yet?” I asked quietly. Apparently not quietly enough.

  The ghost spun around, his eyes frantic. “We are no longer part of the British Empire?” he asked in a strained voice. “Who has stolen the Carolina colony from His Royal Majesty? The French? The Dutch?” His hands moved to his throat. “Never tell me it was the Spanish.”

  My mother shot me a look. “No, we hadn’t gotten into that just yet.” To the ghost, she raised her hands as if to put them on his shoulders—which she could not do—and spoke in a soothing tone. “None of them. We won our independence from Britain two hundred years ago and have been a united nation ever since.”

  Toni coughed. “I mean, except for the Civil War.”

  “What?” The ghost placed one hand on his chest, and I thought perhaps all our troubles would be taken care of right then and there. Then I realized ghosts can’t have heart attacks—at least, I didn’t think they could.

  “Mrs. H?” Wilder’s voice drifted up the stairs. “I need to talk to you about the new electrical box. And there’s somebody here to see Cass.”

  “We’ll be right down.” My mother looked from me to the door. “Toni, can you—?”

  Toni dropped the books onto the desk. Several of the volumes slid off the stack, clattering to the floor and making Kurt jump. “Nope. You’re not sticking me with Cass’s ghost. I’ve got work to do.”

  “Okay, okay.” My mother thought for a moment. “I don’t really want anyone else to know about Captain Frowd until we’ve figured out why he’s here and can help him finally cross over.” She knelt in front of my stepfather, who had bent down to gather the fallen books. “Darling, this is Captain Frowd. He is very interested in learning about our local history, but he is unable to turn the pages in a book. Could you read with him?”

  Kurt looked delighted to have someone to discuss history with. After making Captain Frowd promise he would not leave the study until we returned, we left the two of them to their history lesson.

  Downstairs, we found Wilder talking with Vivian, who looked so pretty in a lipstick-red sundress and a straw hat with fake cherries on the brim. “Vivian,” I said, genuinely pleased to see her. “I’m so happy you stopped by.”

  She took my proffered hands with a smile. “I haven’t been out here in years,” she said. “I can’t believe I let it go this long without a visit to the park.”

  My mother shot me a smile that managed to be both warm and strained at the same time, and I knew she was worried about leaving Kurt alone with a ghost whose motives we had not yet discovered.

  To be honest, I didn’t like it either.

  “It was so great to see you yesterday,” Viv continued. “Brought back so many old memories of running around this place when we were kids. Those were some of the best days of my life.”

  “Yes, I—”

  “And I thought to myself, why do coffee when we could relive those days. Do you have some time this morning? I could buy a ticket for the park and we could poke around our old haunts.”

  Speaking of haunts, I had one upstairs that I desperately needed to deal with. My mother and Wilder moved to the kitchen. She sent me a look over her shoulder as she walked away.

  I don’t know how anyone could think I was responsible for Captain Frowd’s presence, though it was clear my family did.

  I really did want to catch up with Vivian. Not only could I use a friend—any friend—but it would be so nice to spend some time with someone who had gone through a divorce herself.

  Just then there was a banging sound from above that had me on the verge of darting up the stairs until I heard Kurt laughing, followed by the rumble of another male voice. Probably not an emergency, then.

  “Viv, this morning isn’t really great for me. But maybe we could do a girls’ night? I’ll check the guest cottages and see if I can’t find one that’s not rented out. Maybe tomorrow night?” That should give us enough time to get rid of the dour Captain Frowd.

  Viv’s eyes lit up. “That sounds perfect. I coul
d totally use a girls’ night. I’ll bring the wine.”

  After Vivian headed back toward town, I checked out the guest cottage reservations and found several empty ones for the next night. None of the cottages down by Pirate’s Cove was booked, so I put my name down for one. It would be nice to be away from other people, just us girls talking about bad marriages and idiot men.

  Making a mental note to pick up some snacks, I headed back upstairs. Kurt and Captain Frowd were bent over a book, the ghost’s eyes wide as he took in whatever was on the page. Glancing up, he spoke, his voice full of awe. “Madame, have you heard of this wondrous invention, the steamship?”

  I sighed. Captain Frowd was in for a lot of surprises.

  10

  I’m not exactly sure when Captain Frowd became Ichabod in my head.

  No, that’s a lie. I know exactly when it happened. It was when he had demanded that I demonstrate the faucet in the kitchen for the eleventy billionth time. “Look at that,” he murmured. “The steam. Is it very hot? Touch it and tell me.”

  He was more like a toddler than a decorated naval hero. “Look, buddy, we’ve been over this. Yes, it’s very hot, and no, I’m not putting my hand under there again.” I snapped the faucet off, earning a glower from my ghostly guest.

  “If I could put my own hand under the water and feel the heat, I would,” he grumbled. “You have no idea how fortunate you are to be on that side of the veil.”

  “Yeah? And you should be glad you’re on that side. Otherwise, I would probably strangle you.”

  He did not like that at all. I got quite a lecture on manners and hospitality.

  He was really getting going when my phone rang. Picking it up, I felt my heart drop. It was Brad.

  So, I knew that we were in the process of getting a divorce, and he had sprung the whole thing on me with no forewarning, and he was the last person I wanted to talk to.

  But he was also my husband. The love of my life, and the only person who could fix the mess that my life had become. Because all he had to do was tell me that he had made a terrible mistake—maybe he’d been under the effect of some new medication?—and I would take him back in a second.